Europe acts like Old Woman… America to Europe "Shut the fuck up"
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Danielle says "Boycott Europe!"
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The results of a recent survey conducted by caulder.com have yielded results surprising to some, not so much to others. 95% of adults surveyed were found to believe that the whole of Continental Europe should "Shut the fuck up. Seriously, we’re sick of you people." Additionally, 100% of adult American women, who had actually slept with a Frenchman, found them to be "Repugnantly smelly," but that "it wouldn’t have been so noticeable," had their "penises" been something other than "uselessly flaccid and comically small." It is interesting to note that these further findings were not a part of the poll, but the women insisted on talking about their sexual disappointment repeatedly. So much so that caulder.com would like to take the opportunity to say, "I get it. The French don’t make good lovers. In fact they make bad lovers, etc." and please stop sending messages to that affect.
It, of course, comes as no great surprise that Americans feel this way, considering the startling frequency with which the European community blames the United States for the attacks of Sept. 11. "Europe has been babbling for years. Those people just can’t get it together. They’re so used to losing that a zero-zero tie is a cause célèbre!" Austin Williams, local drunk, said.
The proprietor of Caulder.com has often been heard to mutter, "What’s worse? Rolling over for the Germans or being conquered by the French?" At any rate, the poll further indicated that Americans are sick and tired of saving the French bacon. "I don’t care who the hell we fight in the next war, so long as France is on their side," said America. America was further in agreement that England and the U.K. in general was "fine." "Yeah they got their problems but they’re not so bad. At least they’re not pussies."
Europe, for its part, expressed grave misgivings about the caulder.com poll. "Zees poll eees no good. Not one European was polled!" said continental Europe. When told that the poll was specifically to find out what Americans think of Europe, Europe sobbed and responded, "Zeees ees une outrage! Americans zink zat zey are zeee only ones who are American! Why cannot a European be American also!? Americans know nothing of my cheese and zerefore will never truly be European!"
Even after sobering up and trying to accomplish something, The whole of Europe still seemed destined to wallow in self-pity and gross negligence, condemning America’s pitiful attempts to feed the world and die protecting the human rights of its most bitter enemies. "We have not zeen a check for many years!" Europe cried, and cried. "Pay attention to me!" it said as America started talking to China.