French Representative to UN explains plan Let's wait till it's all one color to solve it.
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French and German Improv Sketch Hilarity
One of the most beautiful jokes ever written, Steve Martin’s "How to be a millionaire and never pay taxes: First, get a million dollars," seems to be the premise of the new Franco-German peacekeeping solution to the Iraqi problem. As represented by the story from the AP (as seen on Yahoo!) the plan goes something like this:

How to prevent war in the Middle East:
First, get rid of Saddam Hussein.

Okay. Uh, thanks. The plan (if you can call it that) involves installing U.N. Peacekeeping forces in Iraq to effectively rule the country for several years. At the same time the U.N. would encourage Iraq’s neighbors to comply with the rules governing the exporting of Iraq’s oil and the importing of technology and weapons. And by "importing" and "exporting" I mean "smuggling" of course.

I think that the main difference between the Anglo-Americans and the Franco-Germans is one of language. In English, a "plan" is an idea in which the means to achieve a particular goal are effectively articulated. Now, in a successful plan the goal is usually the logical extension of a series of designed actions. Thus, if the goal is ‘To have a classical wedding’ the designed actions are ‘Finding a church,’ ‘booking the church,’ ‘buying a dress,’ and so forth. Now, each of these actions are dependent upon a series of other actions. Of course one may buy a dress on the Internet without ever trying it on or having it altered before the wedding day, but that would invite disaster. Furthermore, much of the planning is so commonplace as to be second nature. It would be a waste of time, for instance, to include "finding my car keys; putting my keys in the ignition; backing out of the garage," as a part of the planning to go and try on a dress. But just because they needn’t be listed doesn’t mean they are irrelevant.

In French and German, though, a "plan" seems to have a different definition. Their plan seems to be similar to our "goal." This must stem from World War II. The goal of the French and many Germans was "To not be ruled by Nazis." The plan to achieve that goal was "the Nazis are gotten rid of." Meanwhile the Anglo-Americans decided to take it back a step and start with "To get rid of the Nazis." Then the plan to do that was formulated and executed, and through intense struggle the Nazis were finally eliminated. But from the French and German perspective, their own goal and plan worked as well. They were all ruled by the Nazis, or the Vichey, and then, as if by magic, all the Nazis went away. See? There’s no need to fight. From their perspective the worst fascists and murderers in the history of the world were replaced by free and democratic republics without lifting a finger. Voila!

So with history as their guide the French and Germans have come up with a wonderful plan for a free Iraq. All that needs to happen is to install peacekeepers after Saddam’s regime goes away and it’s safe for the peacekeepers. Voila! No war!

Now that that’s resolved they can finally address the problem of AIDS in Africa. The goal is simple, an AIDS-free Africa; the plan is just as simple, distribute the cure. How can French humanitarianism succeed if the Anglo-Americans don’t discover the cure? That’s the question we should be asking ourselves.