Al Gore "Whatever it is you want to hear, that is what I want to say."
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Enjoy a cocktail
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Apparently unaware that neither the Iraqis nor the European Union can vote in American elections, Private citizen Al Gore is on a frantic mission to save Saddam Hussein's regime in order to position his next and hopefully last presidential bid as the opposition candidate.
"I promise to hold this position until I find out for sure which position I should be holding in order to most effectively position myself for another lick at that brass ring. Rest assured that my position on appeasement is unwavering, and if there is a people out there for whom I can supplicate myself and curry favor, I will do it!" he said to a crowd of disaffected supporters who stopped writing humorless placards long enough to sob.
"His very presence is inspiring," cried a twenty-something woman with a degree in art history. "How can people still believe in Jesus when there's Al Gore?" she wondered. Other twenty-something women nodded in agreement.
Prominent bald man James Carville noted via cell phone that, "No other non president in America today has the courage to think what people are saying. He's been very vocal on the subject of the economy and has even written a joke about it."
From the window of his Toyota Turcell, Gore spoke into the drive-thru intercom at a Memphis area Burger King, "The President seems to think his job consists of upholding the Constitution, protecting the citizens of the United States, and preserving the Union. What he doesn't realize is that I really wanted to be President. Also I'd like a dozen packets of ketchup."