Caulder.com

Hitler having sex in a commercial.

2009-09-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd made this commercial. I mean, Hitler having sex in a commercial. Who'd have thunk?

Action Bowl!

2009-07-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

Elliot looks at a chicken

2009-07-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

2009-07-16T05:24:00.001-07:00

I wish I had a reading light.

2009-06-05T12:51:00.001-07:00

Testing this damn thing

Billy Bub Thornwhatever

2009-04-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

Your Business Card is Crap

2009-04-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

I will owe Tom Fong forever for sending this to me.

Watch Your Business Card is Crap on CollegeHumor

Wow.

2009-03-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this this morning and I had to post it because it's so the opposite of how I see myself (except that I like Rock Lobster). I just can't believe someone made this.

Rock Lobster Lyrics

some awesome freakouts

2009-02-08T05:52:00.000-08:00

Christian Bale took a lot of crap this week. Maybe he deserves it, maybe he's a completely arrogant ass. Or maybe Shane Hurlbut deserved it. Maybe he really was walking around the set with his head up his ass, going "la la la la" or whatever. I myself have gone off christian bale style at work on someone I felt totally deserved it. The only differences really were the power relationships were different, the guy I went off on was ostensibly my superior and any threat could have made to quit unless he'd been fired would have been ludicrous. But more importantly my outburst wasn't taped. It exists only in the collective memory of the three people or so who experienced it. And to at least two of us it's now just an amusing anecdote of a time long since passed. Maybe if it had been taped and spread disseminated even amongst my family and friends I wouldn't be so amused by the memory, maybe I'd be embarrassed by my outburst. But as it wasn't taped it exists safely in context and the only people I've ever talked about it with have been my friends and people who knew the man I went off on. He was so infuriating that no one has ever suggested maybe I was wrong, generally people just wish they'd been there to see it.

So before I go piling on Christian Bale I gotta give him the benefit of the doubt based on my experience. Sometimes a string of expletives is all that keeps you grounded when you're confronted by monumental stupidity. When he starts screaming "You're a nice guy, you're a nice guy, but that doesn't cut it," I knew exactly what he was talking about. When you have to work with someone day in and day out, and they're always in your way, there's only so long before you're going to shout, "Get the fuck out of my way and stop getting in my fucking way!"

So to honor my own crazed behavior I'd like to offer some really great examples of people going nuts at work:

Lily Tomlin and David O. Russel:

Lily Tomlin and David O. Russel 2:

Buddy Rich Tape:

Bill O'Reilly:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Chris Berman:

Chris Berman Loses His Cool & TOTALLY FLIPS OUT - HILARIOUS
by UberLoungeDotCom

And a link to Christian Bale of course.

Charlie and Elliot go to the park

2009-01-05T13:09:00.001-08:00

Charlie and Elliot At the Park from Michael Caulder on Vimeo.

Nuk-u-lur Peanut Murder

2008-12-23T09:13:00.000-08:00

Here's a more compressed, and hopefully more viewable version of the Peanut Murder movie. This is just for demonstration/portfolio purposes of course, and not for a general audience. Let me know what you think through sincere praise and offers of booty.

Nuk-u-lur Peanut Murder

2008-12-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

Dinner with Charlie's Dream

2008-12-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

Here's the dream Charlie told us about tonight over dinner as we ate our spaghetti:

Instead of hearts we all had glass buckets filled with blood nailed to our legs. These buckets were how blood got into our bodies (through a little hole he said). Furthermore, tragically, my bucket, his bucket, and Julia's bucket were falling off our legs so we had to run to the hospital. Now, I suspect that in his dream reality, it was only charlie's and Julia's buckets which were falling off. It seemed to me that he threw me a bone by including me in the "Oh yeah, and yours was falling off too."

So that's it. Here's a fun project, figure out alternate lyrics for Bob Dylan's "Buckets of Rain" using this dream as a jumping off point. "Buckets of Blood/Nailed to our legs/So many buckets/They're made of Glass/I wish we had/Our original hearts" and so on.

Two Moments From Charlie

2008-11-20T08:50:00.000-08:00

Our bedroom sits perpendicular to the kitchen with a patio in between. Therefore if you are looking out the doors to the patio from our bedroom you can see into the kitchen, though you can't really do the opposite because the way our house faces the light generally creates too much of a reflection in the bedroom window.

Yesterday morning at about 5:30am I heard charlie get up and go into the bathroom. I'd already been awake for twenty minutes or so and was surfing the net and reading blogs and whatever. About fifteen minutes after I hear him get up I notice that there's a weird light coming in the space between the shades on our patio doors. Sometimes our neighbor leaves an ugly orange security light on all night by accident, but this was different, and I hadn't noticed it before that moment, whereas the security light is like that episode of Seinfeld where Kenny Rogers Chicken Roasters puts a sign across from Kramer that turns his whole apartment martian red.

I peak out the window and notice the kitchen lights are on. This is the moment I've been dreading for sometime, the moment Charlie realizes that he can venture forth and explore if mom and dad are still asleep. I grab my flashlight and head out to the kitchen. As I approach I hear the tell-tale sound of a chair being scraped across the tile floor. I turn the corner into the kitchen and immediately see that the fridge door is open. Charlie is behind the door and all I can see is the chair disappearing behind it as well. I look around and see charlie standing there, sleepy and innocent.

"What are you doing?" I ask, then I notice a popsicle in his hand (a blue pedialite popsicle similar to an Otter Pop).
"I wanted to put this in my lunch," he says. I look in the fridge and see his lunch carrier on the top shelf. I tried to explain that A) Waldorf doesn't really want you packing sweets for the kids, or anything else that will cause envy (like a bag of doritos)
and B) That a popsicle isn't something you take to school because it will melt.

Still, I thought it was hilarious that he was going to all this effort to put a popsicle in his lunch. I would have loved to have just woken up and found a popsicle sticking out of his bag without knowing how it got there.

PART 2

Later that morning, not by much, maybe a half hour, I was making breakfast and Julia was in Elliot's room feeding him when I heard Charlie call out, "dad! Could you help me button these?"

I said, "Sure," and went to help. I found him standing in the hallway struggling to button his jeans. I bent down and pulled but found them really really tight, tighter than thought they'd be. For a second I thought maybe he'd been eating too many sweets because of Halloween and all the birthday parts that occur in Oct./Nov. I started to tell him that he needed to find another pair of pants when I realized that he was wearing another pair of jeans under the pair we were trying to button. I laughed and said, "Charlie, you're already wearing jeans." And he said, "I know, but I wanted to wear two shirts and two pants."

U-turn

2008-11-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

And Finally, my u-turn contraption.

Back and Forth

2008-11-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

My back and forth contraption.

Down Under

2008-11-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

My Down Under Contraption.

Big Ball Dig

2008-11-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

My big ball contraption.

The Unpossiple

2008-11-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

A ramp with a whip delivery system

up the tube

2008-10-31T10:01:00.001-07:00

My Tube contraption.

The Growler

2008-10-30T15:20:00.001-07:00

Oy.

More fantastic contraption

2008-10-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

This thing basically ruined my life. I'm glad it finally worked.

fantastic contraption

2008-10-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

http://FantasticContraption.com/?designId=3652375

I'm buying Andrew Lahde a drink

2008-10-21T03:14:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Not only that, I want to vote for him for something. Pick an office bro, it's yours.

Better than chocolate sauce

2008-10-17T16:18:00.001-07:00

Top Design is just way better this year than last year. Last year I watched it out of Top Blank Syndrome, but neither Julia nor I could ever groove with it. We kept watching to support Todd Oldham.....

....aside....

Names intrigue me. The fact that you can meet someone named "Smith" and figure out that somewhere in his family tree was an actual blacksmith, that's pretty interesting. My own name, Caulder, is supposed to be place-based. Cawdor to be exact, the same Cawdor in MacBeth. My question is: what is it one's ancestor did that leaves generations scarred by "Old Ham?"....

....ending aside...

We didn't think Todd was quite right to host a show but the guy was just so genuine and nice we had to support him. Sadly, we didn't think he'd be back this year. And when India showed up, we thought, "well, that's that." But thank the flying spaghetti monster he is back and in a much better role for him. Now it works. I wish there were more of him interacting with the designers.

I hate to say anything neg about Jonny Potter, especially since he about kicked the hell out of the manager of the Parker hotel (or is it a motel?) when the guy told him that there weren't going to let dogs into the precious hotel anymore. Potter had a "whatchutalkinbout'" look on his face that was priceless, then he casually let it be known that a swanky Palm Springs hotel that rejected dogs (at those prices!) would not be a welcome destination amongst the gays. Go boy. I have to say I was never a fan of "See ya later decorator," but it wasn't any worse than, "We cannot live with your design." What the hell's wrong with "You're out?"

Maggie and I don't have similar tastes I can tell. I don't think I've ever looked twice at an Elle Decor, but that's neither here nor there. She seems knowledgeable and who am I to argue? She does have a distinct opinion, and I can fully respect that. If she likes it, she likes it and no matter what the other judges say she'll let it rip.

But my god, can I get behind Kelly Wearstler. Her style is well documented all over the place, so I don't need to go on and on about how hot it is. Crazy hot. I expect her to come out sometime with a big smear of lipstick going up the side of her face and a curler dangling behind her hair while she screams "Gimme a cigarette! Mama needs her cigarettes!"